Becoming Her: Breaking Free Into the Mother You Were Created to Be

There was a time when I carried more than I was meant to bear. I held onto relationships that, while familiar and deeply rooted, quietly kept me from experiencing the fullness of Christ. This struggle was especially hard in my roles as a wife and mother. I believed I had to do both: honor my parents and still show up whole for my marriage and children. The weight of this belief became a heavy burden.

Many women find themselves in this place. They carry the emotional cost of divided loyalties and shifting roles. They push through the heaviness, trying to be strong and obedient. But living a double life, where each role demands different emotions and reactions, comes with a cost. This post explores how choosing the roles we are called into and letting go of roles that we aren't meant to carry can bring freedom and healing.

The Weight of Carrying Too Much

Trying to hold onto every relationship and responsibility can feel like carrying a heavy load. For many wives and mothers, this means taking on emotional burdens that drain energy and joy. The pressure to be everything for everyone often leads to exhaustion and division within.

• Emotional exhaustion from managing conflicting demands

• Feeling divided between loyalty to parents and commitment to spouse and children

• Struggling to maintain peace while hiding inner turmoil

  
  

This division affects not only personal well-being but also the quality of relationships. When we are fragmented inside, it becomes difficult to be fully present and loving in our marriages and with our children.

Understanding What It Means to Honor

Honoring parents is a biblical command, but it does not mean carrying their burdens or sacrificing your own well-being. Honoring can take many forms, such as respect, kindness, and prayer, without compromising your emotional health or your marriage.

• Respect without enabling harmful patterns

• Setting healthy boundaries that protect your family

• Praying for parents and seeking God’s guidance in relationships

  
  

Choosing wholeness means recognizing that honoring does not require carrying every weight. It means trusting God to work in those relationships while you focus on your primary roles as wife and mother.

The Cost of Living a Double Life

When we try to be different people for different roles, we create internal conflict. This double life can look like:

• Acting cheerful at home while feeling burdened inside

• Suppressing feelings to avoid conflict

• Constantly shifting emotional responses to meet expectations

  
  

This internal division leads to stress, anxiety, and sometimes resentment. It also makes it harder to experience the peace and joy Christ offers.

Choosing Wholeness in Christ

Wholeness begins with surrendering the burden to God and trusting Him to carry what we cannot. It means embracing our identity in Christ above all roles and relationships.

• Surrender burdens to God through prayer and faith

• Seek support from trusted friends, mentors, or counselors

• Practice self-care as a spiritual discipline

• Set clear boundaries to protect your emotional and spiritual health

  
  

By choosing wholeness, we allow Christ to heal the divisions inside us. This healing strengthens our marriages and parenting because we come from a place of peace and strength, not exhaustion and division.

A mother and child walking hand in hand on a peaceful path, symbolizing choosing wholeness and peace in family life

Practical Steps to Embrace Wholeness

Here are some practical ways to begin choosing wholeness in your daily life:

• Identify burdens you are carrying that do not belong to you

• Communicate openly with your spouse about your struggles

• Create space for regular prayer and reflection

• Learn to say no to obligations that drain you

• Focus on nurturing your relationship with Christ daily

  
  

These steps help shift the focus from trying to carry everything alone to living in God’s strength and grace.

The Impact on Marriage and Motherhood

When you choose wholeness, your marriage and motherhood benefit deeply:

• You bring more presence and patience to your family

• You model healthy boundaries and faith for your children

• You experience greater joy and peace in your daily life

• Your spouse feels supported by a stronger, more whole partner

  
  

Choosing wholeness is not about perfection but about living authentically and faithfully in Christ’s love.